I understand that, although I've been on the server for the best part of the year, my contributions have been very nominal, with only weeks total of effective play time. That is probably why I've not seen anything at all that I feel has warranted this sort of public outcry.
I'll first explain why I came to TER. I've run a few NWN servers in my time. Most recently I came from a server, that I will not name, on which I put a lot of effort into DMing and behind-the-scenes work. On that server, I and other members of the team had to decide what to do on this very issue.
Haaa...
Obsidian Sea and every DM and member of the team who has posted here are very brave, and obviously believe very strongly in a long term vision for TER. We as a whole decided not to intervene on the subject in any way, after a very long period of internal debate and deliberation. Unfortunately, as often might, rumours and unfortunate comments spread. A significant proportion of the server I worked hard on accused me of sabotaging players and blocking those who did enjoy taking part in erotic roleplay, if that's the term that is used here. I didn't. But how they felt is not something I could ever control.
Ultimately, the situation grew so that I felt I could no longer effectively DM. I helped organise my replacements on the team and stepped down. A year went by and, uncomfortable with the atmosphere and a changing demographic (one that became perhaps was more angled towards that kind of personal, relationship based roleplay) I decided to depart from the server altogether.
I've always been the sort of player who just likes to learn a setting in depth, make as deep and complex a character as my meagre writing skills allow, and just lose themselves in a solid community of people who want to roleplay to the best of their ability.
Despite all of this, I don't regret the decision of none interference that was taken. I can only pro-offer the suggestion, despite my limited experience and knowledge of the server, and my obviously failed position taking this responsibility in the past, that a ban on erotic roleplay is not the way to go. I have never engaged in that sort of roleplay in the past. However, my reasoning follows.
A roleplaying server needs a healthy community.
I have been so panicked over this very subject since I came to TER. I was worried that I might offend. I was worried that people I brought to the server might offend. A DM and admin of this server made an off hand comment, and I worried out of my mind that one of us might have done something wrong, going in so far as to contact them and apologise unnecessarily about the imagined slight. I was brought to believe that TER does seek a healthy community as a great priority. So, well, it was disappointing to see the sort of decision taken - as this thread being made was.
I knew immediately looking at it that this sort of action would instantly cause tension, both in the form of players being offended by the topic, and a deeper, malign change in how players and the team would interact.
A friend of mine, and continuing DM on my former server, recently stated something that I feel is very important to share even though it doesn't strictly agree with what I'm saying. He lamented the commonly held belief that NWN servers appeal to an increasingly small audience, and that many then assumed that NWN servers must cater to as broad an audience as possible. He believed that in his case a server needs to focus on what it does well, what it has been designed and envisioned and built towards accomplishing, rather than dilute itself to a player anarchy.
To explain what I have said in this thread, because I feel no reply, has understood me, which can only be my fault...
"Why would anyone be offended OOC?"
I'm not asking why people should become offended in general. As staff, please stop and consider the root cause of why activities like this are disruptive and uncomfortable. I understand why I too have felt it to be so, in the past. But there's a broader outlook that has to be taken when you're designing an environment that is to entertain, even if that entertainment isn't to target a certain range of activities. I won't tell you what I think you should do. I will tell you, always, to think more before taking an absolute action.
"Gay, lesbian and transgender themes and characters have been a part of the forgotten realms for decades. For DMs or players to suggest that the setting has themes that differ from that would concern me, especially on a server that claims to seek a very high level of adherence to the lore."
I said this in the context of the Forgotten Realms. Though I have had a quiet concern for some time now that TER does not quite accurately portray the setting from the books, I understand that there has to be room for interpretation and focusing on what the people who have made the server enjoy.
With that in mind, I'm going to suggest the following points to consider, which perhaps separate how TER approaches the realms and how the books approach the realms as concisely as I can. I will only post two things on this, because otherwise, I could say far, far too much. I hope this gives background to what I have said.
- TER is a very, very low magic setting, with distrust of magic. This is despite the Forgotten Realms being full of magical phenomena, and this close to the Unapproachable East, especially this close to Rasheman, Aglarond and Thay, being full of Genius Locii, local gods inhabiting nearly every corner of the world (from old trees, caves, to famous buildings) and wandering spirits. One might argue that it should be every day life, that everyone knows and accepts.
- Some of the Forgotten Realms most famous and powerful individuals represent a fantastical adaptation of LGBT representation. Whether this was represented well is another matter entirely and an argument that might never be resolved. Different LGBT communities feel differently about the subject. But so many people might remember, if not at the very least, that the entirety of the Elven race were alluded to be bisexual in certain AD&D and early 3.X material. That is Faerûn's oldest and most influential civilisation.
I didn't. I want to apologise to anyone who worried or messaged me, thinking that what they said targeted or offended me.
Well, what I will say is I have thought about this subject in the past. Not least, because I struggled with the whole general idea for... What must be years now. How do you broach this subject with a community? Is there any way it can be done well?
What I will say, quite pointedly, with respect for Obsidian Sea as he was very brave in bringing this up, is that I don't need it explaining to me why people become offended. I don't need to be told how people in the LGBT community might interpret things, or how a man or a woman or a feminist or otherwise needs to think. Even if he had the best intentions in trying to explain it to me, well... C'mon. Really? I don't want to take it as patronisation, but that was right up there with contributing to how uncomfortable this whole situation made me.
But I'm not asking for an apology. Do what you feel is best for TER. If your community is strong, and behind you, you'll go from strength to strength. That's what I want for TER.
... Aaaaand I've said it a million times recently. Just have fun everyone, treat each-other well, and remember that even if things seem awful today, we're all here because we want to play TER.